“Why did he break up with me?” a young woman asks. “Why did he leave me?” a long-married wife asks. And now here you are: your man broke up with you, and all you feel is hurt. You think about him constantly. You can’t concentrate on work or school, because you miss him, and you want him back.
But the fact is, you can’t get your ex boyfriend or husband back until you know what you did wrong to make him leave you.
People in a relationship — they each have needs, and if he left you it is because you weren’t meeting his needs.
So, what are those needs? Well, for men in a relationship, there are four things that come at the top of the list when men are surveyed about what they’re looking for.
First, men are looking for unconditional love and acceptance. True, women are looking for this also; this is important to both players in a relationship. But what a guy is looking for here is that you love and accept him, no matter what. No matter what he does, he wants you to forgive him. He wants you to show him your acceptance by your actions — the things you do — and he also needs to hear you say it.
Everybody screws up sometimes, and when your guy fails, or makes poor decisions, or does something that disappoints you, he needs to know that you love him anyway.
If he left you, it might have been because you weren’t showing him this.
The second thing a man needs from his partner is encouragement and affirmation. He needs you to make him feel good about himself. He needs you to encourage him toward achieving his goals.
If your guy wants to play guitar, encourage him to do that and tell him it’s a good idea.
Most things that people want are good ideas; people can achieve anything. Suppose your guy was wanting to do something — change careers, go back to school, start jogging — and your response was to tell him it wasn’t a good idea. That it would be too hard; that he could never do that. Then that was a failure to give him the encouragement and affirmation he needed, and right there, you could have the reason why he left you.
The third thing that your guy wanted from your relationship was your companionship. If you were too busy doing your own thing, and not paying attention to him, then that was a problem. If you didn’t want to be his playmate, and have fun with him in your free time, then that was a problem. Were you spending too much time at work? Too much time with other friends; too much time in front of the computer or television? Spending time with the kids, instead of being his companion and partner? If so, this made him become lonely, just as you would have become lonely if someone did that to you.
In time, he would have felt like you didn’t want to share your life with him, and weren’t interested in hearing what was on his mind. He couldn’t share his problems with you.
If this was true, and he left you for this reason, this is a problem you’re going to need to fix.
Finally, guys need sexual intimacy — probably more than women do. Women tend to long more for emotional intimacy and communication, whereas guys don’t crave that nearly as much as they crave a sexual connection. Men show love that way.
Was your sexual relationship a good one? Did you make him feel like you desired him, and found him attractive? If he felt like you considered it a burden to have sex with him, or just an obligation, that would be enough to make him feel like you didn’t love him any more. He might have left you for that reason.
You asked “Why did he break up with me?” or “Why did he leave me?” These are four reasons why he might have left you. Any of these things could have been “what you did wrong”. You can’t get your ex back until you know what you did wrong, so study this list and do yourself a favor: write down what you did, that might have been the reason he left you. Think long and hard about whether you’re willing to change, and not do those things again.
If you’re willing to make these changes, and re-kindle your intimate connection with your ex, only then can you proceed to try to get him back.
We are dedicated to helping you do just that. Whether you want to get back with your ex girlfriend, or get your boyfriend back — we have the best, no-nonsense advice to help you plan your attack. Let us help you get your lover back!