Recent breakup? Months ago breakup? It’s never too early or too late to begin following the no contact rule.
What Is the No Contact Rule?
The no contact rule is simple. If you want to get back together with your ex then you must avoid contacting them no matter how tempting it might be.
The purpose of this is to allow yourself time to heal and move on from the breakup. Then you can re-establish contact with your ex after some time has passed.
Here’s the reason: After breaking up you are usually in panic mode, which drives you to keep texting, calling, emailing and doing whatever it takes to try to make things right. Constantly calling and saying that you are sorry and that you promise to change will only make you look desperate and needy. This of course will never work.
Why the No Contact Rule Works
You might think that by not communicating with your ex, they will forget about you. The opposite is more likely. They will start to miss you and will be curious as to what is going on in your life and therefore they will be the one who decides to call you.
This puts the ball in your court; it is always better to be the one who is in control and who has the final say.
A crazy thing happens when you show another person that you don’t want or need them; by giving yourself enough time, you realize that you can manage just fine without your ex and your ex will be able to subconsciously pick up on this next time you contact them.
He or she will see that you are happy… and with you giving off the impression that you don’t need them anymore it will only serve to make them long to get back with you instead of it being the other way round. This works so well because everyone seems to want what they can’t have; it is just human nature to behave like this.
What If I Am Tempted to Break the No Contact Rule?
You might want to break the no contact rule and it is easy to see why; you have that feeling in your stomach that makes you want to hear their voice again or you might even be calling with the intention of begging your ex to take you back.
You might even think you have a great reason for contacting your ex but more often than not, you want to find an excuse, any excuse, to initiate contact.
When it came to breaking up, you might have been in the right or the wrong but once you are broken up, it doesn’t matter anymore. The very best thing you can do is to give the other person time.
We’ve all given into temptation and then discovered that breaking the no contact rule was the worst thing we could have possibly done. What usually happens is that the conversation turns awkward or even worse there is no answer when you call leaving you embarrassed and angry at having tried to get in touch.
Avoiding the temptation of breaking the no contact rule will show that you are confident… and everyone, both men and women alike, knows how attractive and sexy confidence can be.
What Happens If I Run Into My Ex?
When you are in school or work in the same office as your ex, it can be hard to completely avoid each other. If you do happen to bump into your ex then keep the conversation very short as well as amicable instead of talking about the breakup or how lonely you are without them.
Remember to always be the one who ends the conversation as again this will reinforce the fact in their mind that you are managing just fine and are getting on with your life.
How Long Should I Follow the No Contact Rule For?
It is hard to give an exact timeframe when it comes to this process as it is not an exact science. Everyone’s situation will be different and no two exes are the same when it comes to temperament. However, it is recommended to start with 2-4 weeks where you make no contact (and I mean absolutely no contact) whatsoever.
You can extend this timeframe as typically, the longer you have no contact with your ex, the higher the likelihood they will miss you is.
What Can I Do While I Wait?
Waiting until you re-establish contact can get boring and miserable. Therefore, I recommend:
I like a book called The Magic of Making Up because it is mostly about relationship psychology, and understanding the psychology of relationships is a key part of getting back together.
Not to mention your own personal psychology, and potentially having to deal with your own feelings after your breakup… rejection, shame, depression.
You should read our review, where we answer questions people have asked us about the book.
We are dedicated to helping you do just that. Whether you want to get back with your ex girlfriend, or get your boyfriend back — we have the best, no-nonsense advice to help you plan your attack. Let us help you get your lover back!