One of the toughest parts of breaking up with somebody (or being broken up with) is not having the same amount of access to the person you had before.
Now I don’t meant to make your ex sound like a store or a warehouse that you used to visit. But you get what I’m saying – you’re used to them being around the whole time, going on dates with them, having dinner or lunch etc etc. And when you suddenly find yourself not being in contact with this person because they’re now your ex that can be tough to deal with.
This is an ideal time, probably the best time, to use the no contact rule. Never heard of it? The no contact rule basically means that you either tell your ex not to contact you or you make sure they have no way of contacting you.
A lot of people find that having no contact with your ex for the first few days or weeks can make things a little bit easier for both people - even if you do feel a little bit lonely at times.
The no contact rule is important just after a relationship ends because you’re going to need time to heal your emotional wounds and move on with your life. At least when you’re not having to see or talk to your ex every single day you can at least live a reasonably normal life again.
So who should use the no contact rule? To be honest anyone who has just come out of a relationship needs at least a few days of personal space and time to figure things out in their own heads. Using the no contact rule is especially important if you’re the type of person who’s a bit more sensitive and has a hard time recovering from a breakup.
But you need to be careful with the type of no contact rule you’re setting here – the boundaries need to be clear.
You can tell your ex that there shouldn’t be any contact with you for any reason. Or you can just drop off the radar and disappear (new cellphone number, e-mail address, clubs etc) or you can just wait to see if and when you ex contacts you and only reply when they do actually contact you.
To be fair to everyone you’re better off using the first type of no contact rule – you simply tell your ex that they shouldn’t contact you and you won’t contact them.
But the no contact rule… it’s a very easy rule to break. It just takes one text message or e-mail for the rule to be broken and after that the floodgates can be opened for a deluge of either of these. So just as if you were on a diet it might not be a bad idea to keep a no contact diary – you need to track what you’re doing each day to make sure you’re not breaking your own rules.
If you do “fall off” the NC wagon then don’t worry about it too much – just note it in the diary and make sure you don’t repeat it. You have to forgive yourself for small mistakes if and when you make them.
Ideally though have absolutely no contact with your ex if at all possible – this is where the diary comes in. It’s a constant reminder of what you’re trying to do here and filling it in each day will help you get past those first few weeks.
We are dedicated to helping you do just that. Whether you want to get back with your ex girlfriend, or get your boyfriend back — we have the best, no-nonsense advice to help you plan your attack. Let us help you get your lover back!