I wouldn’t have thought I could ever be strong enough to cope with your loss, and I was right. I was never prepared — but then who is? And now I’m paying for whatever it was I did wrong, and it’s too late.
I feel so tense, I can’t act normal. I can’t think. I feel sad and empty. I can’t even look back to think about what went wrong. I just think about the good memories because the truth is I only have good memories.
What could I do to get back what I’ve lost? I know the answer. Nothing. I’m just left alone to suffer in pain, while I keep asking myself, How can you walk away from everything we had together?
I thought I’d always be by your side, good time or bad. I thought nobody could ever love me like you did, bcause your love was deep and pure and unconditional. And I thought I was the only one you’d ever want to be with, want to give your affection to.
You say it’s not so any more, but I can hardly believe you. Surely even now you’re thinking about me, and will always be with me in some way.
I can’t live without loving. I choose to keep on loving you.
We can’t have everything we want in life. There are situations where we have no choice, and circumstances we don’t like, but that’s the way it is. Still, we also hope and believe that the mistakes we make can be forgiven. Life depends on forgiveness.
I feel broken and soulless. Is there a reason to go on? I’m not so sure. The anxiety inside me is drowning me. I would scream my pain to the whole world, and my worthlessness. Our love was so easy, but they say that between love and hate there is but a single step. I want to scream all I feel, all the rage in me. From you, I’ve learned the more you love someone, the less they love you back.
Of course all these feelings will pass, and love may even cross my path again although right now that seems impossible. People say that life holds much to enjoy, and many intense emotions to experience, but to experience the true fullness of life you have to suffer first, and make mistakes. Maybe you can’t find true love until you first make your way through pain, fear, dashed hopes, and failed dreams. This is my start.
My love, I can only say to you you’ll always be in my heart, and someday we will find each other again, we will get back together, and we will be happy forever.
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