You may be one of the many wives that is wondering why your husband decided to cheat on you. You probably had what you considered to be a good marriage —perhaps with children — and everything now seems ruined. If you are straining your mind trying to come to terms with the reason why your husband has cheated on you, you should understand that you are not alone. Anyone that has gone through the effects of an affair always has the same question.
The real reason
There is only one real reason why a person decides to cheat on a loved one. It all boils down to the same thing: There is a character flaw with the spouse that is cheating. That basically sums it up.
You see, whenever a couple get married they are entering into an agreement that they will remain faithful to one another for a lifetime. This means that even when things get bad, when sex is not available for weeks or even months at a time, when horrible arguments take place and everything seems to fall apart emotionally — there will be no cheating.
Cheating on a spouse is not an option. If there are problems in the marriage they can be dealt with in another way. A marriage counselor can be sought, you can talk to a religious leader, confide in your friends and family, a separation can be requested or even a divorce. Once again, cheating is not an option that is left open.
The matrimonial vow is sacred and you pledge that you will never cheat on your spouse once you are married. That is a promise that you make to your future wife or husband during the marriage ceremony.
This means that any of the reasons that a husband comes up with for cheating are merely justifications for something done wrong. In almost every case in fact, the cheating husband is actually the one that created the problems or at least added to them.
This leads to the conclusion that there is a character flaw in the cheating husband. How deep this flaw goes will depend on how much remorse there is for the act done, how many affairs took place and how often and how emotionally involved the cheater was with the other lover.
Dealing with the character flaw
It is not important that you try to understand why your husband cheated on you. You will never be able to fully comprehend what makes a person have an affair and instead of spending too much time trying to rationalize it, concentrate on your own healing instead. It is time better spent.
As a rational person that does not have a character flaw you can learn to deal with your own emotions to help the healing begin. This will be a process and you will learn and grow from it. You can start by developing your own communication skills so that you can better listen to your husband and deal effectively with what is being said. You’ll also need to learn how to rebuild the trust that has been lost in the relationship and start building a new relationship that is built on honesty and communication.
Your cheating husband will have to commit to repairing the flaw in his character and make a new commitment to you and your marriage. Your husband will have to sort out what brought him up to the point where he could have an affair in order to prevent it from reoccurring. An apology will have to be made, a new commitment offered to the marriage and an agreement of honesty and transparency put in place from that point forward.
The focus will need to be on establishing a marriage that is even better than it was beforeand growing it every day. It is important to realize that you will never really fully understand what could lead a husband to cheat on his wife, especially when there is still love within the marriage.
Yes... it can. Just like thousands of other couples, you can avoid divorce after an affair by working together through a marriage-healing plan. You follow the right steps... in the right order... and end up with a marriage stronger than it ever was before the infidelity.
Recent studies show divorce doesn't make women happier. And besides that, if you never work through the trust issues caused by the affair you'll later find it impossible to trust the next man you get close to.
This site is dedicated to giving you hope. Let us help you and your husband start your marriage over with a clean slate.