There is nothing worse in a marriage relationship than the feeling of being cheated by your partner and not being able to stop the situation in some way or making him / her confess what they are into. And of course this situation will easily lead to the eventual breaking up of the relationship with all its bad consequences.
So the first thing you should do is not to leave the affair situation to chance and don’t commit the big mistake of waiting for “time to heal” the painful situation. Don’t waste time with simplistic suggestions or vague generalities, and of course you shouldn’t act just out of desperation. You have to be smart when this kind of situation has hit your life.
Many people, out of their need to have a stable relationship commit a number of mistakes. One of them is that they try harder, this means, they tolerate the situation. They wimp out and put up with all kinds of ridiculous thoughts and they hope time will eventually cure the situation and he/she will reconsider what’s happening.
Other mistake a cheated spouse usually makes is being really nice; some people call this “working on the marriage.” This is a situation of giving a lot with the expectation of wining him/her back.
But the hard truth is that this usually doesn’t work at all. You simply undervalue your integrity and deep down you know it and you end resenting it. As well, you feel like you are always competing with the other person.
Additionally if he/she does stop the affair and “comes back” it is almost certain that he/she is doing it out of guilt or pity.
Other people go on the attack. They plead, beg, become very nice partners but then explode every so often and threaten the cheating spouse. Sometimes become depressed and then they ask for the help of others. They have no problems in using guilt against the partner and maybe use the children as a weapon against the cheater.
But this approach doesn’t work either. You don’t have to become a basket case; it’s no something to be proud of or having fun with. In case he/she does “come back” it will be out of coercion, not free will. You want to be wanted rather than have someone with you just out of coercion. So none of these approaches are good for saving a relationship.
There are better and smarter ways to stop an affair situation and save your marriage, you can read about it in our webpage:
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Yes... it can. Just like thousands of other couples, you can avoid divorce after an affair by working together through a marriage-healing plan. You follow the right steps... in the right order... and end up with a marriage stronger than it ever was before the infidelity.
Recent studies show divorce doesn't make women happier. And besides that, if you never work through the trust issues caused by the affair you'll later find it impossible to trust the next man you get close to.
This site is dedicated to giving you hope. Let us help you and your husband start your marriage over with a clean slate.