Reviving the intimacy after an affair

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It is often difficult to start thinking about reviving the intimacy between you and your husband after an affair has taken place. There is too much pain to wade through to even take a look at the possibility. While it may be very hard to think about having a physical relationship with your husband again, there are small steps that you can take to move forward towards this in the future.

Intimacy can be broken down into three different sections. The first one would be romance, the second would be a connection that is emotional and the third would be sex. If making love to your partner is not in the books right now, you may want to consider building up the two other sides to make it more approachable.


Romance is important for both spouses and it is just as valuable for a man to experience as it is for a woman. In any marriage it is quite often the first thing that has been swept aside. Intimacy is hard to produce if there is no romance, since it helps keep a connection alive between two partners. This is the first area that should be worked on.

If you have never considered yourself to be romantic, here are a few ideas to get you started. Try holding hands while you are watching TV, send flowers or send a card that just lets the other know that you are thinking about them. This is quite enough to get started and romantic ideas can grow from this seed.

The emotional connection

There must be an emotional connection firmly in place to have an intimacy. Without it, the relationship will be lacking to a point where sex and romance cannot thrive. Both spouses need to nurture each other in special ways emotionally so that a deep connection can occur.

The best way to get this connection started again is to begin talking to one another with the goal of understanding each other’s wants and needs. Start the conversation by discussing your dreams and goals and see where that leads. You may also want to talk about pleasant stories from the past. These are an easy icebreaker and can lead to many more thoughtful discussions.


Sex is only one side of the equation when it comes to intimacy. To be intimate a couple does not have to engage in sex. They can share themselves deeply through conversation, light physical contact, using romantic gestures or simply spending quality time together.

There is a lot of confusion about intimacy since it is often considered to be the sex act itself. This could not be further from the truth. If you consider a couple where one is handicapped and the other isn’t, a lifelong intimate connection can still be made without the need for sex. Some of these special marriages will last a lifetime even though the sex component may be lacking.

This does not mean, however, that sex does not play an important role in a relationship. It simply means that sex alone does not equal intimacy and it is possible to be intimate with a partner without having sex.

If you are still recovering from the effects of your husband’s affair, it may be time to start building up some intimacy without making love. You can start by reviving your emotional connection and romance and see what type of path that leads you on. You may feel more comfortable about having sex again with your husband when the other two parts of intimacy have more strength.