Recovering from an affair - Making your marriage work again

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Affairs destroy marriages. When discovered, an affair rips apart all sense and reason in the betrayed spouse. As a wife who has undergone such a soul-crushing event, you may think that there is no hope — but there is: The right state of mind can help you see things from a new perspective and accept the state of your relationship to start building it again.

Recovering from an affair and making your marriage work after an affair is possible. Even with the amount of pain, distrust and betrayal that you feel — there is life after an affair.

An unfaithful husband and a betrayed wife can still reach a better married life. It just takes a lot of work from both parties and an ample time to heal. There is no shortcut or easy way around it. There should be no illusions to recovering from an affair. It will be difficult and will take time.

When a couple makes the effort to fix their marriage, it is important for both to focus on renewing their bonds. The goal is not to get back to where you were before the affair. You want to take the relationship into a better and more fulfilling place.

Recognizing what happened is very important if you want to make your marriage work. As the betrayed party, you should take time to grieve and recognize the existence of pain.

You may feel that support from your unfaithful husband is unacceptable. If you feel this way, it is better to get support from your close friends and family.

Your husband should also to take responsibility for the affair. He should apologize and take measures to never commit infidelity again. He should show remorse and prove to you that he regrets cheating on you.

He should never blame YOU for the affair. This is unfair, as well as unhelpful to fixing the marriage.

After recognizing what happened, the next step is to accept it. This goes for both parties.

As the betrayed spouse, you should take time to accept what your husband did. However, this does not mean being a doormat. This means seeing the bigger picture and realizing what is more important to you, which is your marriage.

At the same time, the unfaithful husband should also accept that what he did is wrong. Your husband must show and prove that he is repentant.

Foremost is stopping the affair completely. Whether it was a sexual or an emotional extramarital affair, the unfaithful spouse needs to end it instantly. This means no more contact. Your husband also needs to come clean with the details. If you ever doubt his honesty, it will not come to any good.

Once both of you have accepted the situation, it is time for you to take the time and forgive. This is a very important step because recovering from an affair hinges on it and some couples do not get past this stage.

Forgiveness is also a two-way process. In order for this to work, your unfaithful husband should empathize with you. Your husband should understand that you will feel mixed emotions like anger, doubt and pain.

As the betrayed party, you may have mixed feelings about continuing the marriage or not. You may be prone to fits of blaming yourself and bouts of self-pity. You may keep wondering what went wrong with the marriage and why your husband cheated on you.

Your husband should realize that these mixed emotions and endless questions are natural. He should learn to understand your feelings and be patient about it. He should also not expect an easy and quick forgiveness. He should realize that forgiveness should be given freely and at the right time as determined by you alone.

When all this is done by your husband, you will have an easier time recovering. The marriage will have the positivity it needs to heal and you can then start on the journey for the better.

Earning your trust and learning to trust again is vital if you want to save your marriage. This can take months, or even years.

It is not easy. It must be a constant effort from the unfaithful husband on being honest and sincere in fixing the marriage. It is accepting that the marriage may be threatened again but the couple will trust that they can make it work.

As the betrayed spouse, it may be difficult for you to trust your husband again. However, if you want to make your marriage work, you should learn to let go of all doubts and fears. Let go of the past and welcome your future with your husband. Continue your commitment to each other and to your marriage.

Almost 40% of married couples have experienced an extramarital affair in their relationships by the time they hit 40. Many of these marriages end in divorce, career disaster and broken families. However, given ample time, recovering from an affair is still possible. You and your husband can survive and eventually thrive in a healthy and long-lasting relationship.