Help with infidelity

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Maybe it’s just your own paranoia. Something inside you is screaming that he’s cheating but you can’t find proof. Or perhaps you’ve already confirmed it and you’ve had ‘the talk’. How do you survive as a couple?

The hardest thing is ‘not knowing’ — except knowing, that is. Once you know, you’re forced to take action, make a decision of some kind. You can’t pretend it’s just your insecurity or your imagination any more. That can be tough, because it signals a change in your life. Even if you bite your tongue and endure your spouse’s affair, the simple fact that he knows you will put up with his bad behavior is bad for your marriage.

Sadly, statistics show that, more often than not, if you suspect your spouse of infidelity, you’re probably right. Your internal radar system (your intuition) is much smarter than your brain.

It’s a no-win situation, unless you become proactive. You could just ignore the elephant in the living room and hope it eventually goes away, but that usually just prolongs a bad situation. Being proactive doesn’t necessarily mean being aggressive, though. It means taking action to prepare your path (rather than reacting thoughtlessly or in an emotional outburst.)

One way to start is by enlisting the support of a nonjudgmental third party (your church’s healing program, a professional therapist, support/12 step or grief group). If you can get your spouse to accompany you that’s even better, but seek a support for yourself, either way.

Depending on the stage your marriage is in (you think there’s an affair going on, you already know it, you’re wanting reconciliation or wanting divorce) your next moves will influence the rest of your life. So you want to make sure they’re the right ones. By dealing with the reality of your situation calmly, honestly and with dignity, you and your cheating man might even be able to survive the affair together.