They may not lack for willingness, but most married couples lack the psychological expertise to guide themselves through the process of recovering from an affair. This is why marriage counselors are popular.
But for some couples, seeing a marriage counselor is not an option. Maybe it’s too expensive and there’s no insurance coverage. Or maybe one spouse is unwilling to open up to a stranger… or maybe the community is too small and privacy is impossible….
Scenarios like these require an alternative to counseling.
“How to Survive an Affair“ by Dr. Frank Gunzburg is an in-depth program aimed at helping individuals and couples come to terms with infidelity and rebuild their relationship into something much better.
In the author’s experience, he has seen many couples heal from wounds that were incredibly deep and then be able to reestablish a relationship that is much better and more loving than ever before.
With this program you get:
This can all be yours for less than the price of one or two counseling sessions.
The program is structured in three different phases that a couple needs to follow to reclaim their loving relationship. Dr. Gunzburg clearly explains that while one might be tempted to go through only certain sections of the book, he advises against it because each component has an important role and to ignore it can lead to less than stellar results.
The first phase deals with individual healing, where the reader learns to deal with their personal feelings regarding the affair, how to restore trust in the partner and understanding exactly what happened. This is the largest section when compared to the other two and deals with both the injured party as well as the cheater. Dr. Gunzburg actually advises people to read each other’s sections, helping them to gain a better understanding of what the other person is feeling and experiencing.
The next phase moves on to deal with healing as a couple. Thus, Dr. Gunzburg helps guide couples so that they are ready to start the healing process. He then teaches essential communication skills to allow them to share their feelings with each other.
Last but certainly not least we have phase three, which is the stage where the couple works on rebuilding the relationship. This first requires that trust be restored. While this might sound like it is simply a matter of accepting the past and moving on, it’s quite a comprehensive process that needs to be done right.
Dr. Gunzburg starts out by explaining how we are brought up to believe in a fairytale, when it comes to relationships, a fact that is as accurate as they come. After all, consider all the fairytales and stories we are read as kids. None of them have an unhappy ending but unfortunately, life generally has little in common with fairytales.
Sadly, most of us find out in a less than pleasant way when we are smacked across the face with life’s responsibilities and disappointments, so we then discover exactly how complicated life is and how little it has to do with a fairytale.
However, the good news is that Dr. Gunzburg has worked with couples for over thirty years, bringing them back from the brink of divorce and helping them to rebuild a relationship that is even stronger and will stand the test of time. To this end he explains that any couple can overcome the pain and turn their relationship into a highly fulfilling and successful one but this requires commitment from both partners.
The only way to start the healing process, though, is for the couple to understand two fundamental principles. The first is that the responsibility of the affair rests solely on the shoulder of the cheater, but both partners will have to work together to create a perfect relationship that is so much better than previously.
Additionally, it is important to understand that this will not be an easy process, and there is some hard work involved, but if you follow the system outlined by Dr. Gunzburg, he promises that you will obtain the relationship you have always dreamed of.
Dr. Gunzburg goes on to explain that it important for the injured party to understand that he or she is not alone in the world. Affairs are much more common than people realize and that’s just based on statistics that have been reported because there are likely many more people who engage in infidelity but do not admit it to it.
However, the good news is that Dr. Gunzburg has found that the number of couples that have overcome and healed from an affair is even higher than most people ever expect. This is a positive sign that things can be healed.
The first phase of Dr. Gunzburg’s program focuses on personal healing, essentially dealing with the affair and learning to get over the pain. Most of this phase is dedicated to the injured party but there are some sections that are meant specifically for the cheater. The author recommends that both parties read each other’s sections to gain deeper insight into the ‘what’ and the ‘why’.
The first thing most injured parties do is they try to externalize everything by understanding what went wrong. They ask all the typical questions, covering what, why and where. Dr. Gunzburg claims that this need to understand stems from the fact that we hope the answers will make us feel better. Unfortunately, nothing is further from the truth, which is why the doctor recommends that we first start by looking within and gaining a better understanding of our own feelings and emotions.
For example, the doctor explains that the injured party’s reaction to the affair will come in different emotional waves and four of the biggest emotional roadblocks to healing will include jealousy, uncertainly, shape and loss of hope. Dr. Gunzburg provides extensive tools and strategies to help people deal with all these issues and much more in the first phase.
The second phase is dedicated to helping people heal as a couple. This is why this phase requires couples to take a close look at how they function as a unit.
As it should be expected, since communication is one of the most important components of healing and of a relationship, this book provides a wide selection of strategies that can be implemented to establish effective communication. The problem is that infidelity essentially shatters the lines of communication, making it difficult for the partners to talk to one another.
However, without any form of communication, there is absolutely no way for healing to take place, which ultimately leads to the fact that the relationship cannot be rebuilt. The author shows how important it is to understand how your partner is feeling by putting yourself in their position, by understanding their perspective. Dr. Gunzburg also stresses that it is imperative to accept the past and move on, providing strategies on how this can be achieved.
Dr. Gunzburg stresses the fact that relationships fail mainly due to neglect and by understanding the ten critical dimensions of a relationship it makes it much easier to rebuild a great relationship. This is because each partner can specify in which area they feel the most neglected, allowing the other partner to do something about it. The more fulfilled each partner is in every dimension, the better the relationship will be.
The focus of the previous phases has been to clear away emotional baggage and provide you with a set of tools designed to help you communicate effectively. So, Dr. Gunzburg feels that it is now time to apply those communication techniques you learned about.
In this section Dr. Gunzburg looks at an important range of issues including how to become completely transparent to rebuild trust, which is the foundation of any relationship, how to deal with conflict and even how to put the spark back into your sex life. The author also provides strategies to help the injured party accept the affair so that they can move on together and start rebuilding their life.
One very interesting aspect of this book, besides how thoroughly it tackles each topic, is that throughout the book we follow two semi-fictional couples as they go through all the stages and processes described in the book. The examples translated into real life make it easier to apply them properly in one’s own life. This can be especially useful with abstract concepts and also paints the path you will likely have to follow.
“How to Survive an Affair“ is certainly not a light read. It’s very detailed and in-depth, designed to really help couples understand the mechanics of what went wrong and how to make it right. It draws on the practical experience of a man who has spent his life helping couples get past an affair.
You have to expect that you will deal with many issues that will cause a lot of pain, but the fact that you can rebuild your relationship into something much stronger is well worth the anguish. You will examine feelings and emotions, from jealousy to hatred to helplessness, but you will push through all the negativity and come out the other side a better and stronger person.
As Dr. Gunzburg says, recovering from an affair and rebuilding your relationship is not easy and is something that will take time and effort. But it will be more than worth it when in the end you have a relationship that is much stronger, more fulfilling and more loving than it ever was in the beginning. You simply have to be committed to doing what it takes, even when you think what you are doing is a waste of time.
Once you have committed yourself and worked through something as traumatic as this as a loving couple, you will be able to achieve anything together, including rebuilding an amazing relationship.
Yes... it can. Just like thousands of other couples, you can avoid divorce after an affair by working together through a marriage-healing plan. You follow the right steps... in the right order... and end up with a marriage stronger than it ever was before the infidelity.
Recent studies show divorce doesn't make women happier. And besides that, if you never work through the trust issues caused by the affair you'll later find it impossible to trust the next man you get close to.
This site is dedicated to giving you hope. Let us help you and your husband start your marriage over with a clean slate.