You’re lucky. Not that he cheated on you, but that he’s truly willing to work with you to rebuild your sacred union. Believe it or not, that’s more than half the battle.
If there’s anything to be grateful for, it’s that your remorseful husband is interested in repairing the damage he did to your life by having the affair. See the value in that. Not all cheating spouses are willing to. Some might actually walk out rather than have to deal with the tough inner work and blatant honesty required when fighting to save a marriage.
At this stage he’d better have cut all his ties with the other woman. Seeing her or even talking to her on the phone or through email is just prolonging things and also jerking her around like his personal puppet (don’t forget that she might be the most innocent party involved; he strayed because there might be issues in your marriage, but she might have fallen in love with him quite honestly, not even knowing he was married until after the fact.)
At this point no one needs any distractions from the journey of rediscovering what caused you two to fall in love and get married in the first place. You may seek a professional marriage counselor to help you negotiate a new path, or join a support group for couples (either through a 12-step program, community services board or your church.) Avail yourselves to the help, and be prepared for very deep, searching self-evaluation and brutal honesty.
Affairs may ‘just happen’ but something set you two up to allow it to ‘just happen’. Whatever those niggling little chinks in the armor are (too little time together/too many distractions/sexual incompatibility/old, unresolved conflicts, etc.,) your goal now is to identify them, seek healing, and forgive everyone involved; yourself, your cheating husband, even the other woman. Forgiveness will be very cathartic for both of you.
Yes... it can. Just like thousands of other couples, you can avoid divorce after an affair by working together through a marriage-healing plan. You follow the right steps... in the right order... and end up with a marriage stronger than it ever was before the infidelity.
Recent studies show divorce doesn't make women happier. And besides that, if you never work through the trust issues caused by the affair you'll later find it impossible to trust the next man you get close to.
This site is dedicated to giving you hope. Let us help you and your husband start your marriage over with a clean slate.