You may feel that you have totally lost control of your mind after your husband has had an affair. This is a normal state of affairs and will lessen in time. You may find it comforting to know that you have not really lost your mind; you are only having a problem keeping your thoughts in order.
Once you find out that your husband has had an affair you will feel a great sense of loss. Everything that you have taken for granted up to this point has been lost and in its place you’ll find negative thoughts taking over. You’ll feel absolutely miserable and exhausted from the whole situation, and while this is completely normal to experience, you’ll need to take back control of your thoughts quickly so that you can work towards a better existence.
Taking the blame
Another thing that can happen when you have found out that your husband has been cheating on you is the blame game. You may be thinking negative thoughts about how you have failed the marriage and made this happen. You may be thinking that you did not give enough time to your husband , always put the kids first, spent more time on your career than you should have, etc. It’s time to let go of these thoughts. No matter how strained your relationship was, the affair was wrong. It was your husband’s choice and you cannot blame yourself for it.
Fixing your thought patterns
When you find yourself thinking about the cheating that took place you’ll start imagining the details and your thoughts will become random and out of control. You may even have obsessive thoughts that cannot be quieted no matter what you try. You are struggling inwardly and having a hard time coping. Your self-esteem, which was damaged originally by the affair, is becoming even more damaged by your obsessive thoughts.
Here are some things you can do to get back in control.
Get rid of the negative
Try to figure out a way of getting rid of all the negative thoughts that are pushing their way into your mind. You are going to have to come up with your own trick to get this done, but once you find a way it is very effective.
Some women use meditation to help make their mind blank so that no thoughts, both positive and negative, can enter. Other women will develop some type of ritual that they use to get rid of the negative. Some women will take a bath, some a walk, while others will use other tricks to make the thoughts go away. One thing you can try is writing down the most common negative thoughts that seem to repeat themselves onto paper. In many cases they will become less powerful once they have been written down. The idea is to find a way that works for you so that you can get these thoughts out of your mind as much as possible.
Replace the negative with positive
Once you have gotten rid of these negative thought patterns it is time to replace them with positive ones. Remember that you are still in control of your mind and it is your territory. You are the only one that will be able to stop this pattern of negative thoughts.
Now is the time to start thinking about the things you enjoy doing that give you pleasure. The more you can fill your mind with positive thoughts the less room there will be for negative ones. This can be challenging at first, but once you get the hang of it, you’ll find yourself more in control.
Don’t expect any big changes to happen overnight. This is going to be a process that you’ll have to work through. It is encouraging to know, however, that there is light at the end of the tunnel and you will be able to get through this in the end.
Yes... it can. Just like thousands of other couples, you can avoid divorce after an affair by working together through a marriage-healing plan. You follow the right steps... in the right order... and end up with a marriage stronger than it ever was before the infidelity.
Recent studies show divorce doesn't make women happier. And besides that, if you never work through the trust issues caused by the affair you'll later find it impossible to trust the next man you get close to.
This site is dedicated to giving you hope. Let us help you and your husband start your marriage over with a clean slate.