One of the first things you will probably do, once you have found out that your husband has cheated on you, is take on some of the responsibility for the affair. While you may realize that a marriage is a 50-50 proposition, there is no way that you should take any sort of blame for the affair itself. Marriage problems are 50-50, but an affair outside of the home is definitely not.
Marriage and its responsibilities
You may be very tempted to take part of the responsibility for this affair but you need to understand that your husband made the decision to cheat on his own. You’re allowed to accept 50% of the responsibility for any marriage problems, but no more than that. Once the decision was made to cheat, that is where it ends. You can still look at the marital problems on their own and decide whether they are worth fixing but the affair is an aside that needs to be dealt with separately.
Fixing marriage problems
After the affair everything is going to seem a lot more complex and complicated. You may not be sure whether you want to fix any of the marriage issues that occurred before the affair and you may also be wondering whether you have the strength needed to work on them. The first thing you’ll need to do before you even get to that point is work through the effects of the cheating and make yourself stronger.
Now is the time is to start working on yourself. You will have to rebuild your self-esteem and self-respect and get yourself back on track where you can see things more clearly. An affair can affect your physical, emotional and mental health and your responsibility right now is to get these things back in order.
Here are the three most important responsibilities you have to work through to rebuild the respect and love that you may have lost in yourself.
1. Get a firm grasp on reality
Take a look at the reality around you and connect with your complex thoughts, feelings and emotions. Understand and accept that they may all be out of control and definitely need to be addressed. This is all a natural part of the process, even though it is extremely painful. Accept responsibility for facing the reality of the situation so that you can get through it.
2. Put some attention on yourself
If you haven’t been doing things for yourself lately, now is the time to get started. A lot of people that have lived through the effects of an affair have suddenly realized that they were not doing anything for themselves and life was no longer as fun as it used to be.
It is now time to fulfill your own needs as you’re working through the healing process. Connect with other people that you enjoy being with and do some things that you consider fun. You are allowed to experience happiness and it is your responsibility now to make sure that that happens. This needs to be done without guilt because you deserve it.
3. You are responsible for your own life
No matter what anyone has done to you or what you have done to yourself, you have been given this life to live and it is your responsibility to do it wisely and lovingly. You will be in control of your own decisions, desires and dreams. Nobody is allowed to take away this responsibility from you.
You are going to be moving forward from now on even if you don’t know what direction it will take. Your responsibility is to retain your dignity and heal yourself first. You have the power within you to be happy once again, even if it does not seem possible right now.
Yes... it can. Just like thousands of other couples, you can avoid divorce after an affair by working together through a marriage-healing plan. You follow the right steps... in the right order... and end up with a marriage stronger than it ever was before the infidelity.
Recent studies show divorce doesn't make women happier. And besides that, if you never work through the trust issues caused by the affair you'll later find it impossible to trust the next man you get close to.
This site is dedicated to giving you hope. Let us help you and your husband start your marriage over with a clean slate.