How can you trust your husband after he lied?

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Let’s face it; cheating is the ultimate lie. It’s a betrayal of the deepest kind, undermining the very foundation of your marriage. Here are some guidelines for helping you cope.

You look at him now and you wonder who he is. The man you love and trusted enough to marry has betrayed you in the worst, most hurtful way; he’s had an affair.

Affairs are all about secrecy, betrayal, theft. The affair steals time and energy (the life blood of your marriage) and gives it to someone else. Worse, it’s all done in a clandestine, underhanded way. In short, he lied to you. He lied about his activities, his whereabouts, his feelings, his expenses, his plans, his trips, his intentions and his faithfulness.

Now, even if he claims to have ‘come clean’ with everything, you just can’t be sure. Here and there he accidentally (or intentionally?) drops an inconsistency into your conversation that makes you question him all over again. It’s like the cycle — and the anguish — never ends.

So how can you make sure that he ‘makes good’ on his promise to never lie to you again?

Well, you can request full disclosure, but frankly that is an unhealthy move for everyone. Each of us does need a little private spot in our minds. However, you’re perfectly within your right to spell out what your personal definition of honesty is (in terms of your ‘new’ relationship.) What is your definition of cheating? What constitutes ‘crossing the line’? How much accountability will you demand?

You might also want to determine if you’re going to stick with the process for as long as it takes, or if you want (and can) end the marriage should your cheating man fail you again.

Throughout this painful process, it helps to have a support system in place, whether a counselor, church, group or spiritual advisor. You don’t want to have to go it alone during this challenging time.