Help for your marriage after your husband cheats

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Maybe it’s for the children, or for your reputation. Maybe it’s for love or simply because you believe in the commitment you made when you took those vows. Whatever the reason, you’ve decided to reconcile. Is there a way to get your marriage back on track after the affair?

The ‘happily ever after’ fantasy that most of us hold dear when we first get married has been pretty well pummeled. You’re disillusioned. Even though he swears he’s ended the fling, nothing can un-do the damage, the grief and bereavement, the loss of trust. Still, you’ve decided to try to work things out together. You couldn’t pick a nobler goal than helping your marriage survive the affair.

Now is the time to enlist help. You’ll need individual support systems, as well as a means to heal the two of you as a couple. Old grievances or hurts, misunderstandings and grudges need to be worked through. This doesn’t mean getting in to big fights or even dredging up and rehashing ancient history. Some things may just have to be worked through in your own mind and released. Sometimes negative emotions like anger just feed on themselves if indulged.

This isn’t to say you need to roll over and accept his behavior or bad treatment of you; however, if you keep picking at old scars the wounds will never heal. Try to let go of some hurts — petty or otherwise — if they’re keeping you from moving forward with compassion. You may find other good advice from your marriage counselor, minister or support group. Even though he’s the one at fault for the affair, it will take both of you working hard to rebuild a marriage that can last.

One way to move past those tricky ‘sticking points’ in your reconciliation is to seek couple’s counseling together. Just working together as team again, with both of you on the same side, can bring back much of the friendship and emotional intimacy that was lost due to your spouse cheating on you. ‘Happily ever after’ might be possible, after all.