You feel numb, and nothing matters any more. You’ve lost interest in everything. You’re not thinking clearly. This is clinical depression, and you have to find a way to deal with it.
The emotional ramifications of your partner’s infidelity run deep. That eerie internal silence you may be experiencing is actually the result of pain and conflict that runs too deep for your mind and heart to process. You’re in a state of shock.
You may deny anything’s wrong. After all, you don’t ‘feel’ depressed’. In fact you may begin telling yourself and others that you’re fine. Yet, you don’t answer the phone when your friends call in support. You sleep late or don’t sleep well at night. You keep misplacing your keys. That hobby or club you belong to just doesn’t seem to ‘do it’ for you anymore. Maybe you have a constant slight headache or a vague sense of nausea (or you find yourself eating constantly) Or, worse, you find yourself overindulging in things like sweets, shopping sprees you can’t afford, alcohol or recreational drugs. You may have shut down sexually, or gotten needier than ever.
Then there’s the other side; crying all the time over nothing, snapping at friends, rejecting any good coming your way.
Just ‘giving it time’ won’t heal it. Stirring up the pain, replaying events over and over won’t help you reverse what happened, either. This is not the time to hide away, (although you will need some ‘alone time’ to sift through all the changes in your life, and all the conflicting and powerful emotions the affair has stirred up.) Right now is when you need the support of trusted friends.
Get out of the house. Force yourself into the sunshine. Sunlight is important to your physical health as well as your emotional state. Go to an art show or a botanical garden — anything that will revive your interest in life. If you tend to seek solace in God or your Higher Power, don’t turn from that now. If you’ve not been to church for a while, start going. Get involved in charity work (helping others helps you, too.) Reach out to the network of caring and supporting people around you. Whatever you do, though, don’t try to ‘go it alone’.
Lastly, address the reality of your husband cheating. Talk it out, with help from your therapist, support group or even a trusted online relationship board. Sometimes objective feedback can give us the ‘kick’ we need to break out of the depression so we can begin our healing journey.
Yes... it can. Just like thousands of other couples, you can avoid divorce after an affair by working together through a marriage-healing plan. You follow the right steps... in the right order... and end up with a marriage stronger than it ever was before the infidelity.
Recent studies show divorce doesn't make women happier. And besides that, if you never work through the trust issues caused by the affair you'll later find it impossible to trust the next man you get close to.
This site is dedicated to giving you hope. Let us help you and your husband start your marriage over with a clean slate.