Alternatives to counseling for getting over an affair

Your beloved has been seeing — and sleeping with — someone else. How on earth is your marriage supposed to survive such a deep betrayal?

Whether you decide to try and ‘work it out’, or even if one or both of you decides it’s time to end the marriage, most everyone you know will start offering advice — much of it well-meaning but overbearing. Many will push you to get ‘professional counseling’, and in many cases this may be the best option for actually saving your marriage — short of just ‘bearing up’ (keeping up the pretense for the sake of appearances or for the welfare of your children.)

“Bearing up”, though, doesn’t address the very real, deep hurt, sense of betrayal and shaken confidence that your partner’s affair has caused.

There are other options, though.

Friends can help you survive an affair

Your network of close, non-judgmental friends (you know, the ones who know how to just listen) would be your ‘first line’ of defense — a way for you each to openly share your hurt or conflict, loss or addiction, with a supportive ‘other’. This way you can hear yourself, talk things out and get some perspective from someone you trust.

Faith can help you survive an affair

Another option for dealing with the aftermath of the affair would be your church. Your church can provide either informal support through their network of spiritual teachers, and your priest, minister, Rabbi or other spiritual head, can make him or herself available to you, individually and as a couple. If you find comfort and strength through your trust in your ‘higher power’, the lessons in your Book can provide direction, clarity, healing and support for you to work through this most painful of times.

Self-help courses can help you survive an affair

There are systems that offer step-by-step workbooks for rebuilding a marriage after it’s been shattered by an affair. The goal of these programs is to rebuild the trust and honesty back into a marriage. Some courses also include individual healing guides to help each spouse uncover what went wrong and prevent an affair from ever happening again.

The best solution, whichever course you choose, is for both of you to work through it together. Not only does such transformative work grow each of you individually, but also as a couple, and the very act of fighting as a team to save and renew your most sacred spiritual union might reignite that bond of true friendship that was damaged by the storms of life.