Going through a break up is always traumatic, no matter which of you decided to end the relationship. The years you spent together are hard to forget, and now you have to learn to make a new life for yourself, alone.
After a break up you enter a period of high stress and complicated emotions, but although at first you only see a future that appears bleak, as time goes by that changes and you begin to see that all will eventually be well. You realize you don’t have to remain trapped by your depression, and you start to make the best of your new freedom.
How hard it will be to get over an emotional break up, and how long it will take, depends on multiple things: the depth of love that existed between you and your ex, the number of years you were together, whether or not you have children, and whether or not your separation was mutually agreed upon.
Each person experiences a break up in a unique way, but it makes a big difference if you were hoping for the break up, or expecting it. Although it will still be painful if you knew it was coming, it is something that was already on your mind and now that the end has come, you may view it as something positive, or for the best. However, if it was something unexpected, the process of getting over it will be much larger.
The first weeks after an emotional break up are the most difficult, because you still find yourself wanting to follow the routines you shared as a couple. You miss your ex and don’t know what to do with yourself. There is no miracle remedy to make this feeling go away, but there are things you can do that will help:
1. Leave the house!
Staying in your room, thinking about what you’ve lost, is destructive behavior. When you lie in bed and cry, you allow sadness and depression to take over your mind. Instead of dwelling on the events that led to your break up, make a list of new activities to distract yourself.
2. Avoid all contact with your ex.
Right after your break up, when you are emotional and vulnerable, you should stay away from your ex. Don’t call or text, and try not to spend time with your ex in person. If you’re hoping to get back together someday, avoiding contact with your ex will keep you from saying or doing anything that will make getting back together impossible.
3. Don’t hold a grudge.
If your break up was unpleasant — especially if you are the one who got dumped — you are more likely to be angry. But holding a grudge will only keep you from resuming a normal life, and becoming open to meeting new people.
4. Don’t blame yourself.
Don’t dwell on what went wrong, or blame yourself for the break up. You will only torment yourself if you spend too much time thinking about what you could have, or should have, done differently.
5. Be patient.
You’re not going to get used to your new situation in a couple of days. It will take longer. But face the recovery period with courage and optimism, knowing that life will turn around soon, and you will eventually regain the ability to feel joy, and the desire to start fresh.
6. Enjoy your solitude.
If you have ever dreamed of having the time to do things by yourself — read books, work on your tan by the pool, learn a new hobby or skill — then now is the time. You’re going to be single for a little while, so learn to enjoy it.
7. Rely on your friends and family.
You have relationships with other people besides your ex, and now is the time to deepen those relationships. Lean on them now, and use them to unburden yourself of your feelings of loss. Don’t overdo it though, or make yourself out to be a victim, because you run the risk that they’ll get tired of feeling sorry for you.
8. Avoid rebound relationships.
Don’t move quickly into a new relationship, just to avoid having to be single again. Remember, you don’t have to stay single forever — but knowing how to be content whenever you’re single is a good skill to have. If you haven’t learned this yet, now is the time. It doesn’t have to be forever: If it helps, set a time period such as 3 months or 6 months, and force yourself to wait that long before you seek out a new relationship.
Think about this: over the course of their lives, most people experience many more relationships that come to an end than they do ones that last forever. Love is not always eternal. But don’t despair as you get over your emotional break up. Time will pass and you will feel better, because that old cliche is true — time heals everything.
If what you really want is to get back together, then the first question is this — How do you even know if you have a chance?
We are dedicated to helping you do just that. Whether you want to get back with your ex girlfriend, or get your boyfriend back — we have the best, no-nonsense advice to help you plan your attack. Let us help you get your lover back!