Does he really love you or is he just using you for sex?

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It is fairly common these days for guys to have friends they just have sex with. There are no emotional ties and it is often a mutually consenting arrangement but this is not always the case. Sometimes women find themselves being a sex buddy without realising it and wondering why their relationship is so unfulfilling.

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Here is a brief list of what I think defines the difference between a guy who is committed to his girlfriend and one who is not. Note, not being committed does not mean he is unfaithful rather it just means that he finds he seeks out your company based on need rather than want. I.e. he needs sex and you are available and satisfying and pleasant company but when it comes to integrating you into the rest of his life, he’s either not ready for a relationship or doesn’t yet deem you ‘right’ for the role of girlfriend.

I say ‘yet’ as this may change over time but be careful not to spend too much time and energy waiting. Men usually decide sooner rather than later if a girl is worth making ‘his’ or not.

So, here’s the scenario.

You meet up and it’s usually at yours and you stay in rather than going out. He rarely if ever takes you on a ‘date’ and when you do go out, you generally have to pay for yourself. He shows no interest in your friends, family or children and shows no desire to meet them.

You may meet his friends in passing but not deliberately as you won’t be invited to parties or family do’s. You will have to fit around his schedule which is nearly always jam packed. If you suggest going to his when he has a full schedule, even though you could go along, he feels uncomfortable with this. You may find his enthusiasm peeks and falls with occasions when you feel things are progressing and finally he’s ‘letting you in’ but then the status quo swiftly returns.

Text messages and calls may not be returned for long periods, hours or days. This is his way of telling you ‘you are not important to me’. Sex texts however may generate an more immediate response.

He never asks you anything about ‘you’ and finds it hard recalling details you’ve told him about your day when you try to follow up the conversation. In other words, he’s just not interested. You may find yourself having to initiate most conversations that do not involve talking about sex.

He may seem interested in ‘looking’ at other women while in your company or treat you like his ‘buddy’ in that he tells you about who he finds attractive etc. The line between friend and lover is thus confused.

He doesn’t tell his friends or family of your existence .

I may be unfair here in judging these guys as men who just use women as sex buddies. It may be the case that instead they are so emotionally closed down for whatever reason that every time they feel close to someone they back off again for fear of being hurt. But this is also likely to be the females excuse for her man’s unloving behaviour. They might be afraid of commitment but how long you want to wait around being treated like you do not exist is a matter for careful thought.

At the end of the day, whether he is ready for an emotional relationship or not, you deserve to know one way or the other what his true motives are. Be wary of men who are all take and no give.

If your man sees you as a girlfriend he will introduce you proudly to his friends, carry your picture with him (maybe on his phone) and take you out on dates, budget allowing. The dates may ease off in time but there should be some in the early days!! He will call you spontaneously and return your calls promptly (circumstances allowing). He will show an interest in you and your interests.

These things may be present at the start and then disappear if his interest wanes. Watch out for things settling into bad habits early.

Leah Gray is an experienced Internet Writer, Relationship columnist and Dating eBook author. Details of Leah’s writing services and many sites can be found at (link invalid) and her Love Online website is (link invalid).

For the hottest tips and latest advice check her site out now!

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