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Making contact after No Contact

What to do if your ex contacts you during the no contact period

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Here's a question that has been asked more than once by visitors to this site: "What should I do if my ex contacts me while I'm following the no contact rule?"

Sometimes, the question is asked about a specific method of contact, for example, "if my ex calls me," or "if my ex texts me," or "if my ex emails me." Sometimes the question is even about being contacted on Facebook or MySpace.

In all cases though, my answer is pretty much the same: Respond! Answer the call! Reply to the text message or email.

The trick, though, when your ex contacts you, is how do you respond? You're in the middle of a no contact period for a reason, after all.

Could be you're trying to use the no contact rule to get your emotions back in control, and get yourself thinking straight because you were obsessing too much over your ex. Maybe you were even harassing your ex with too many texts or calls or personal interactions.

In this scenario, following the no contact rule has required all the self-discipline you could command, and being contacted by your ex now is disruptive enough to throw you off balance. It makes you wonder what's the best way to handle being contacted, given your ultimate goal is to get your ex back.

Or, it could be you're far enough through the no contact phase that you're actually hoping your ex contacts you. You hope that this contact is a sign your ex wants you back. Now you wonder, what is the right thing to say?

My answer is the same, for both scenarios. You want to get your ex back, so be friendly and welcoming. Be upbeat. Act like you would act if you were receiving a call from any friend you want to hear from.

It helps if you can prepare ahead of time, and decide in advance what you want to say if your ex contacts you. (If you have time to read this article, you probably have time to do this.) Have in mind some things you could talk about. Know what you want to say if your ex asks you what you've been up to, and make it sound like you're doing just fine and getting on with your life.

Above all, take the high road. Don't allow yourself to be drawn into an argument. Don't bring up any old issues, or say anything hurtful. Don't allow a conversation to lapse into long silences; make sure you have plenty of things to say so you can move the conversation along.

Again, it's a good idea to prepare in advance so you have a list of neutral questions to ask, and information about yourself to offer when your ex contacts you. Topics like music, movies, work or school, and family, are usually safe.

Do you need additional instructions on how to get your ex back using no contact? I recommend a book called The Magic of Making Up. I like it because of its focus on relationship psychology.

Understanding the psychology of relationships is a key factor in getting your ex back. Plus, there's the psychology of coping with your own feelings of rejection, shame and depression — emotions that also need to be dealt with after your partner breaks up with you.

Read this page to learn what's in The Magic of Making Up that makes it worth the money and you'll see why I say its author has a good grasp of psychological tactics — including separate tactics for women and men.

You'll also want to click here to look at the author's own Magic of Making Up home page. Read his story, and then towards the bottom of the page be sure to click his button for downloading the book, so you can get started on getting your ex back today!

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