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Should I wish my ex a happy birthday?

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Do I wish my ex a happy birthday, or not? Good question. I think the answer has to be based on the answer to a second question which you need to ask yourself: "Does my ex hate me?"

You probably have a pretty good idea of how your ex feels about you. If, when you're honest with yourself, you have to admit your ex hates you, then the answer is no, you should not wish your ex a happy birthday. In fact, you shouldn't communicate with your ex at all, until you have reason to think those hateful feelings have changed. Saying happy birthday to an ex who hates you and doesn't want to hear from you is not a way to accomplish getting back together, if that's what you're after.

Read: Does no contact work to get your ex back?

But otherwise, yes — go ahead and wish your ex happy birthday. Even if you're following the no contact rule, I think acknowledging an ex's birthday is okay -- as long as you've been NC (no contact) for at least two weeks. Just, don't do it in a manner that is too aggressive. For example, don't show up out of the blue at your ex's home, just to say happy birthday. What I'm trying to say is, don't use an ex girlfriend's birthday or ex boyfriend's birthday as an opportunity to stalk.

If you are thinking about your ex's birthday in advance, it would be really nice to send a card. Sending a card communicates some positive things about you. It says, "I've got my shit together, and I planned ahead." And it says, "I'm not desperate to talk to you." It makes you look like you're in control.

If today is your ex's birthday (or there isn't time to send a paper card), and you are likely to see your ex in person when you're just following your normal schedule, then say happy birthday when you get the chance. Otherwise you can send a text, or email an ecard, or call.

Click here to learn exactly how to make your ex want you back.

Calling is tricky, though, because you only want to call once. If your ex answers, good, but if not, you need to leave a message. Even if you know your ex doesn't check messages, leave a message anyway because this is the only call you get to make. If you hang up without leaving a message, you can't call back because you don't want your ex to think you called multiple times.

Only you can decide if calling is worth getting an opportunity to have an actual conversation with your ex. If you haven't talked to your ex in a long time, then calling is probably worth the possibility of your ex not answering the phone, but knowing that you called.

Calling more than once makes you look desperate. So leave a message, and hope you get a response. If you don't get a response, I think you should send a "belated" card, rather than calling again.

This ex of yours -- is it someone you want to get back together with? Is that why you want to say happy birthday, because you're looking for a way to reconnect?

If that's the case, I recommend a book called The Magic of Making Up. I like it because of its focus on relationship psychology.

Understanding the psychology of relationships is a key factor in getting your ex back. Plus, there's the psychology of coping with your own feelings of rejection, shame and depression — emotions that also need to be dealt with after someone breaks up with you.

You probably see it advertised everywhere, but you should read our review. We answer a lot of questions our visitors ask about the book.

Click here to learn exactly how to make your ex want you back.

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