As much as you want to reconnect after your breakup, giving your ex time to realize how much he misses you is sometimes the best way to win him back for good. That’s where the no contact rule comes into play.
But how long you follow the no contact rule to get your ex back depends on many things. And this of course assumes that you had a good, solid relationship before the breakup.
Going no-contact always feels counter-intuitive at first. As crazy as it’s making YOU each moment you don’t get to be together any more, remember that your ex is going to feel that too… it just takes men longer (weeks as opposed to minutes) to really feel that pain of loss.
Only after they begin to fear they might really lose you forever will they start to want to win you back.
Remember: men are hunters. They are happiest when achieving, winning, and going after the unobtainable. That’s how he won you in the first place; he realized he wanted you, and had to work to get you so no one else would.
‘No contact’ isn’t the silent treatment, which is a form of abuse. Don’t be mean about it, and be sure to leave channels for communication open.
Also, you’re not really trying to make him jealous — but lacking contact with you WILL mean he won’t know what’s going on in your life. Being less ‘available’ and therefore less predictable may intrigue him.
Don’t over-do it though — you don’t want to get into game-playing. Sometimes ‘no contact’ can be as bad as clinging and pestering.
Don’t call him obsessively, or track him down for a confrontation, or whine or claw for his attention. That will just alienate him and make you look needy.
Just live your life, stay busy, keep improving yourself, and give him time to come back to you on his own. The silence is the mystery that will keep him guessing and eventually worrying that perhaps you’re moving on without him.
How long should you not call him? We’re talking weeks, not days. I always want to recommend 6 weeks, minimum, but some women hear that and it sounds like FOREVER. So, start with 2 weeks. It really does need to be at least 2 weeks.
If you can get through that (and you can, you can!) then you will probably be ready to convince yourself to wait one week more, and so on.
You go ‘as long as it takes’ you might say. You want contact to happen in a way that will seem natural to him, not plotted. Unless there’s an emergency with your children or something of that nature, play your hand for as long as you need to until he contacts you.
Maybe you’ll run into each other by chance or some special occasion or event can prompt one of you to make (light, casual, kindly) contact again.
Maybe take this tough time of not communicating with him to read some books on how to get an ex back, or find some system that gives instructions. That way, when he contacts you again, you’ll be prepared to gently lure him in close, making him crazy to win you back all over again.
We are dedicated to helping you do just that. Whether you want to get back with your ex girlfriend, or get your boyfriend back — we have the best, no-nonsense advice to help you plan your attack. Let us help you get your lover back!