Thinking of getting back with your ex? Read this first!
It's no wonder you're thinking of getting back with your ex. Breaking up is painful, and the weeks immediately following your breakup are some of the most miserable days you'll ever endure.
Maybe you haven't gone to work. Maybe you've cried for so long your contact lenses are fogged up. Maybe, craving comfort, you've smoked or drunk or eaten your way through the hurt.
And no doubt you're thinking the way out is to do whatever you can to get your ex back — because even an imperfect love has got to be better than this.
If that's where you're at, you need to consider first whether getting back with your ex is the best course of action for you.
You may not want to hear this, but a good friend would tell you there are situations where getting back with your ex is a bad idea altogether.
And even if that's not the case for you, there are other situations where you shouldn't jump right back into a broken relationship without first knowing how you're going to fix it.
Consider these nine possible reasons for your breakup, and read why maybe now is not the time to get back with your ex:
One of you keeps trying to change the other
Is your ex a slob? Rude? Selfish? Overly critical? Loud? Mean? Cheap?
If your relationship ended because you kept trying and failing to change your ex, or your ex kept trying to change you, then now is not the time to get back together.
People rarely change. If the two of you can't be satisfied with each other the way you are, your chances of staying together are low.
Before you try to get back together, you need to jointly agree that one of you is going to change, or else decide to accept each other unchanged.
You have too many arguments
Arguments happen because two people have mismatched needs. There's nothing wrong with arguing per se — every couple argues — but if your relationship ended because of too many vicious arguments, then getting back with your ex will require changing your behavior.
The arguments might not be your fault, but you only have the power to change yourself, not your ex. You must train yourself to focus on the here and now when you argue. Don't bring old hurts into the current argument. Don't resort to name calling, or say cruel things. Don't speak with intent to hurt.
Instead, you need to learn to listen to what your partner is saying, and respond to that and that alone. And when it's your turn to talk, talk about your own feelings. Don't start sentences with "you."
Wrong: "You never listen to me."
Right: "I don't feel like you're hearing what I'm saying."
Wrong: "You never want to spend time with me."
Right: "I want to spend more time with you."
A counselor or therapist can help you learn more productive ways of participating in arguments.
To find out more reasons why you should reconsider getting back with your ex, see page 2 right here: Getting Ex Back.
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