What are the chances of getting back together?
Hello, this is Dan. I'm glad you stopped by to take a look at this quiz. I know the results will be pretty important to you. If you need to know the odds you'll get back together with your ex, you can take our test right now to find out:
Getting back together quiz
To calculate your chances of getting back together with your ex, you need to evaluate what went into the breakup, and what has been going on since the breakup.
And then after that, there's kind of an acid test that's the final word on whether there's any chance for you to get back together.
Getting back together depends on who broke up with whom
In this first step, you evaluate which of you requested the breakup. Was it you, or was it your ex?
- If it was you, give yourself +1 point.
- If it was your ex, give yourself -1 point.
Getting back together depends on why you broke up
In this step of the quiz, you evaluate the reason for your breakup. Did you break up for a specific, cut and dried reason? Or for a vague reason?
One example of a specific reason might be if one of you cheated on the other, or kissed another person, or committed some other kind of violation of trust.
Another specific reason might be if you broke up because of a particular argument over children or family or friends or sex; or because of a work-related argument; or because of something that happened.
Score specific reasons this way:
- If you violated your ex's trust, give yourself -1 point.
- If your ex violated your trust, and now you're actually thinking about getting back together, give yourself +1 point.
- If you broke up over a point of disagreement that wasn't a violation of trust — like, if you broke up over an argument or something that happened — give yourself 0 points.
One example of a vague reason might be if one of you said "We need some time apart." "We need some space." "I'm not sure this is working out."
Vague reasons like that — they're either true or they're not. It's either a way of letting you down easy, or it's really true.
So you need to ask yourself: if your ex said "We need some space," do you think that was really true, or do you have any suspicion that your ex was just letting you down easy?
Score vague reasons this way:
- If you suspect your ex was letting you down easy, then give yourself -1 point.
- If you think your relationship really needed space, and will benefit from time apart, give yourself +1 point.
Getting back together depends on events since you broke up
In this next part of the quiz, you evaluate what's been going on since the breakup.
When two people have separated, one of them is in control. You need to figure out which of you is in control. That's the person who gets to make the decision on whether you will get back together.
To figure it out, you've got to ask yourself a few questions.
If you count how many times you've initiated contact with your ex, vs. how many times your ex has initiated contact with you, who's done it more often?
- If you initiate contact more often, then give yourself -1 point.
- If your ex contacts you more often, give yourself +1 point.
Some kinds of contact don't get an immediate response -- for example if you're leaving a message, or your ex is leaving you a message or sending an email. In these situations, who has been more responsive?
- If you've been contacting (via email, text, phone, etc.) your ex, and your ex is responding to you in a timely fashion every single time, give yourself +1 point.
- If you're emailing and texting and phoning and getting little or no response, give yourself -1 point.
When you do make contact, and you're both present (talking on the phone, or seeing each other in person), you want to count who ends contact more frequently. Who says goodbye?
- If more frequently it's you ending the conversation, give yourself +1 point.
- If more frequently it's your ex that's saying goodbye, give yourself -1 point.
Something else that could have happened since your breakup is your ex could have "moved on" in a way that you have not.
Is your ex seeing someone else?
Has your ex done something to flat out avoid contact with you, like changing a phone number or canceling online accounts?
Has your ex initiated some major change in life since you broke up, like changing jobs, or moving farther away, or moving out of town, or anything else that indicates your ex wants to make a clean break from you?
- If your ex is showing a strong desire to make a fresh start, give yourself -2 points.
Getting back together depends on how long since you broke up
The more time that passes after you break up, the less hope there is for getting back together.
The acid test is really this: if enough time has passed that you've been apart half as long as you were together — for example, you were together for a year, and you broke up and six months have gone by — it will be very hard to get back together.
- If you are past this halfway point, give yourself -5 points.
The bottom line on getting back together
Add up your score. If your score is greater than zero, then you're on your way. You have a good chance of getting back together, without help.
To get that positive score, you pretty much have to be the person in control, or you didn't break up over something very serious and you're getting good response from your ex, and indications that your ex is still interested in being friends with you, and having some kind of relationship with you.
If your score is a negative number, you definitely need help getting back together. You need help to know what to do, based on the kind of relationship and problems you had with your ex. You need help knowing what to say, and when to say it.
Read our review of The Magic of Making Up, an excellent book with step-by-step instructions for getting back together with your ex. Learn WHY it is your best chance of getting back together.
Get back with your ex!
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