When you have children together, breaking up is harder. You have to be rational and calm even though that’s the last thing you feel like being. Still, some people believe the trade-off for the breakup being so hard is that getting back together is much easier.
Why It May Be Easier To Get Your Ex Back When You Have Children Together
When you have children together, you have a constant bond that keeps you connected. You can never forget that your ex is the parent of your children and that you shared an extremely special moment in time. That connection keeps a special place in your heart for your ex, and vice-versa, and this can make getting your ex back much easier than if you didn’t have that bond.
You also share a direct communication link to your ex. Because you share the children and have to communicate when and where you will be meeting to exchange the children, you have a line of communication open that many people do not get to have when they break up. If you keep this line of communication civil, then you may find it easier to get your ex back by being honest with them.
Not only do you share verbal communication with them, but you also get to see them on a regular basis. This interaction can preserve feelings that you had for each other.
Your kids may also relay messages that spark your ex’s interest in you again. If your kids make you sound warm, kind, and loving then your ex may start to long for that person they once knew. This makes getting your ex back much easier than if the last thing they remember is your breakup.
Lastly, when you are seeing your ex on a regular basis because of the children then chances are they will come to see you in a new light. They may be attracted to your new attitude or way of life. They may find your independence sexy. They may even see qualities that they fell in love with but forgot once your relationship got predictable or routine.
When your relationship has been good, once you start to become attracted to each other again it becomes much easier to get your ex back than if you didn’t have children. The children are what keeps the bond strong between the two of you. You will both be much more likely to reconcile and stay together for the sake of the children.
Why It May Be Harder To Get Your Ex Back When You Have Children Together
On the other hand, getting the notion that you are moving on with your life could cause your ex to give up on you completely. With kids, this can easily happen.
Even if they don’t watch you having fun or talking to new people, your kids do, and kids want to share what is happening in their lives — and that includes you. Therefore if your ex hears something from the kids that makes them lose hope with you, then they may start to get into a strict mind-set that they don’t have a future with you and quickly move on with their life. It can be very hard to convince them to change their mind once they start to lose interest.
Of course, not all breakups are mature. Sometimes the breakup ends so badly that decisions about the children are not relayed maturely between the two of you and this can cause all sorts of problems, especially if you want your ex back at some point.
For example, if your ex has been extremely angry at you and refuses to participate in your life then this can make it extremely difficult to get your ex back, even though you have children together. No contact can cause you to lose that bond you once had, even though your children are still seeing them.
Children may inadvertently cause a deeper wedge between the two of you by sharing inappropriate messages. This can happen when a child hears you make a complaint about your ex, and relays the message to them — even innocently. Because the message is coming from their mouths and not yours, it can be twisted into something greater than it is in your ex’s mind, and it can cause resentment and more anger in your ex.
Bitterness is also a common wedge that can cause you to have a hard time getting your ex back when you have children. There are plenty more chances to become bitter and feel negative about your ex when you have children together.
For instance, matters like child support can cause your ex to become stressed about you. Missed or cancelled visits can cause your ex to start viewing you in a negative light. Misunderstandings can also cause your ex to look at you in a new light.
“How to get your ex back when you have children together, but your relationship has dwindled to complete negativity?” …is a much harder question to answer. One thing is for sure — you have to be careful not to use the children to get your ex back or your children could suffer.
In the end, having children together may be a bond that can help you get your ex back, but if your ex has taken a negative path during and after your breakup then the children may not make any difference at all in your ex’s willingness to get back together with you.
We are dedicated to helping you do just that. Whether you want to get back with your ex girlfriend, or get your boyfriend back — we have the best, no-nonsense advice to help you plan your attack. Let us help you get your lover back!