Here’s a tricky question for anyone to answer – can being friends with your ex mean that you will get back together with them eventually?
There are a couple of different scenarios that can play out when you remain friends with your ex. It is possible, and I know this from personal experience, to maintain a friendship with your ex-partner. Now whether or not this leads to you reigniting your romantic relationship with them is another thing entirely.
You first need to look at the circumstances under which you broke up. If it was a particularly nasty breakup then obviously maintaining a friendship is going to be pretty difficult at the start. If, however, your relationship ended because both of you agreed to end it, or it ended on good terms, then establishing a good friendship with your ex shouldn’t be a problem.
There are two schools of thought when it comes down to maintaining a friendship with your ex:
One school would have you try to to build a friendship almost immediately after the breakup. For most people this is a comfort blanket scenario – they need to feel wanted by somebody. It can lead to you getting back together with your ex very quickly but it also tends to wind up with a relationship failing again almost as quickly.
The second school of thought would have you build and maintain a friendship with your ex, but do it very slowly and very carefully.
Initially when you break up with somebody you’ll usually be in a very emotionally charged state and this can lead you to make decisions based purely on emotion without any logic coming into it at all.
The ideal situation is that you maintain a slightly distant friendship with your ex so that they know you’re still a part of her life. But you don’t want to be so close to them that they feel crowded, panic and then push you away. So it usually takes a few weeks or months to build up to this point – where the friendship is actually comfortable.
Always bear in mind that you’re running the risk of disappointment when you maintain a friendship with your ex…
…especially if you have a high expectation that you’re going to get back together very soon. This may not always be the case. Sometimes there needs to be a break in the relationship of several weeks or even months for both people to realise that they still love each other and want to be together.
The key mistake I see most people are making is trying too hard to create a close friendship with their ex. This can lead to you looking a little bit desperate and that’s the last thing that you want to happen — desperation isn’t attractive on anyone. As matter of fact desperation is the one thing that would probably drive your ex away.
So how do you maintain a friendly but distant relationship with your ex? You have to start slowly and take baby steps here. No grand gestures and no sudden professing your undying love for them… it would be a bit too soon for that!
We are dedicated to helping you do just that. Whether you want to get back with your ex girlfriend, or get your boyfriend back — we have the best, no-nonsense advice to help you plan your attack. Let us help you get your lover back!