Agree with the breakup
Agree with the breakup: That's the meat of the advice that TW Jackson gives in his "opening move" video that you'll find on the Magic of Making Up web site.
What does he mean by that? He means that no matter how bad you're hurting...
...no matter how wrong you think it is that you got dumped (and seriously, if you stood there listening to someone tell you they don't want to be with you anymore, that must be about the most painful thing that's ever happened to you)...
...still the best thing you can do to stay in control of the situation and maintain your dignity is to agree that breaking up right now is the best thing to do.
The reason you want to agree with the breakup is to get your partner feeling off balance.
I mean, here you have someone who feels like THEY have the upper hand and THEY are in control, and are feeling probably pretty good about how THEY'VE made a decision and THEY'RE going through with it no matter how bad it's going to hurt YOU...
...(because really it's a selfish act, breaking up with you)...
...but then, you say you agree with the breakup! You agree that breaking up is a good idea! When you say that you're back on level ground again.
Even if you don't agree with the breakup, you have to say you do.
Sure, you're probably lying when you say it -- but it's still the right thing to say in this situation because the important thing right now is getting through the moment and the immediate aftermath of being dumped.
It may feel like time is standing still and this feeling is going to last forever. But in reality it's not.
You'll spend days wallowing in loss, and grieving, and figuring out how to get a second chance. And if you figure out how to do it, you'll even take steps -- mount a campaign -- for getting back together.
So just because you say you agree with the breakup right now doesn't mean you're going to still be acting like you agree with it a month from now, unless that's part of your plan.
Probably your breakup happened a while ago. I mean, you're probably not getting broken up with this very second, right? You're reading this article so the breakup isn't happening right now.
And let's even assume that you're not being super proactive and anticipating a breakup and reading ahead in advance on what you should say when it happens (but if you are, the answer is... say it with me now... "Agree with the breakup.")
So let's say your break up happened a while back and you didn't get a chance to agree with the breakup yet. If that's the case you need to do it as soon as possible. Jackson says you need to write a LETTER to agree with the breakup -- a handwritten letter that you actually send through the mail to say what you need to say, and get you back on that equal footing you need to be on.
And let me just say something here: you can't imagine how much better you're going to feel after you send this letter. There's a kind of joy you feel when you get the last word, and if you send a letter like this that's what you'll be having: the last word.
So you send this letter and in it you're at least going to have the last word -- which is a good thing -- or you'll get to maybe even get a reply back from your ex -- which could be a better thing if you actually want to hear from your ex. It can't go wrong.
Okay, so what are you going to say in this letter to agree with the breakup? It's got to go something like this:
"Hi (name). I'm still thinking about us a lot and it makes me sad that it ended like it did. But I have to say I knew things weren't right. I knew we needed a break and one or the other of us was going to have to end it. So I just wanted you to know I think it's the right thing to do. It was good while it was good. Take care of yourself."
That's an example, but you'll probably want to write your own letter in your own voice. It shouldn't be long though, and you shouldn't talk about anything specific that's happened recently.
The purpose of this letter is not to get stuff off your chest or to rehash arguments. It's just all about having the last word. If it generates a response that's great too, but that's not the goal.
You send this letter and that marks the beginning of your No Contact period.
Whatever you do next is the stuff you do all by yourself (or with friends if you're lucky but chances are nobody understands and you just have to get through the next part all by yourself.)
I'm talking about the depression, the pain and grief, the crying, the anger and eventually the recovery. Hopefully you get through it as fast as you can. And you come up with the next steps on how to get your ex back, too.
All this part is what you find in The Magic of Making Up, which is why I recommend that book. You shouldn't have to get through it all by yourself. Anyone could use help with this part.
Read our review of Jackson's book and see if you think it'll help you get back together after your breakup.
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